As I get ready to go job hunting I begin to gather a list of my talents and abilities. It’s a bit shaky right now but here is my list:
I can train dogs or at least I could ten years ago.
I can feed a family of four with at least two different meals, watch my food congeal as I leap past it to serve others and not even complain that I have the bent fork.
Watch an autistic bipolar child rip through my home like a cyclone, have him swear directly in my face, threaten to kill me and never once lose my patience.
Can be chased by aggressive dust bunnies, stampeded by over excited children, bit by leftovers, stalked by a Roomba, hounded by telephone callers and still not kill the mailman when he tells me what a nice day it is.
I can manipulate others if I have good enough motivation. (is this a good thing?)
Sometimes I can make folks laugh, but its only those that can relate to my humor. Others back away slowly and call for help.
I discovered by working at a Haunted House during tourist season that I can scare people. I also can make some pee themselves. Again, I am not sure if this is a good thing…..
So there is my list and I still cannot figure out who would hire me. Perhaps the circus needs a poodle trainer that can double nights as a clown and work weekends as a scary fun house barker?