Every couple has a few little quirks to nag each other about. It is never anything big enough to cause you to call a lawyer or run home to mother, just something that can get a rise out of you when nothing else can. There is always that little thing that you will sit there and say, “If I had known about this before the wedding…”. Chances are, it wouldn’t have made a difference then either.
I am going to share with you the little quirk my husband Chris has and then you will all see what I a patient woman I am. When Chris and I first lived together I did not have any idea that he had a little problem with windows. For the first many years together we lived on third floors so our windows were tiny and few. It was only after we moved into our first floor apartment, overlooking the beach that I discovered Chris had an issue. He cannot walk past a window without shutting the blind. Day or night, does not matter, we shall have no sun, no air, just off-white plastic blinds.
You would think that marauders were running the streets, or perhaps the Vikings were about to land on our beach and invade Salem the way Chris reacted to a window. Instead, a man wanders by with his chubby little dog and a few mothers with babies in strollers amble on by. It becomes a game, when I walk by a window, I open the blinds, if Chris comes by, he shuts the blinds. There can be no winner here.
Perhaps this started when he was little, maybe someone dropped him out of a window? Maybe it was when we first moved in, our first Halloween here, Chris had bought a very expensive Darth Vader costume. Having never had a picture window in my dining room before it had not occurred to me to cover it up with more than a light lacy curtain. I was still in my pink bathrobe having just showered, when Chris came out of the bedroom, wearing his full costume. He stood in the dining room, trying to adjust the belt on his Darth Vader suit and called for my help. Thinking nothing of it, I came into the dining room, dropped to my knees in order to reach the belt better and we had no idea that our picture window had become the new Salem Halloween Attraction.
For weeks after we heard some pretty interesting Star Wars jokes but to Chris it seemed to confirm that THEY were watching. The next thing I knew Darth Vader went away and so did the sunlight. When I snap the blinds back up he visibly cringes and tells me, “It’s like living in a fish bowl!” “Better a fishbowl than an underground shelter!” I snap back. “I hate this place! Why did you move me here?”Chris wails back. “Oh! Were you a deaf-mute? Couldn’t you have told me before we moved that you hated light, air and the human race? Maybe we can move to the Ozarks, to the mountains and get a secret password?”
“Or better yet, dear, why don’t we just go naked to New York City wearing our money like stickers? That would appease you! Maybe we should just get one of those hamster ball designs and make it really big! You could sell tickets to our daily life!?” Chris rants back at me. Now of course we must get others involved in our circus fight. “Quick, kids! Shut the drawbridge and stock the moat so Daddy can feel safe!” “Mark, tell your mother that the next place we live will be next to a cemetary!” “Melissa, please open that blind again for mommy! Ask Daddy if he thinks we will be attacked by air or water today…I want to be prepared.” “Hey, Mark, tell your mother i have a bird for her to see…”
As I said small quirks that you just know will last until old age or at least I hope so, otherwise we might fight about something serious!