Thanks for the Glow In the Dark Cow Head Cookie Jar…

My brother and sister-in-law came for a visit one Sunday afternoon. The subject of Christmas presents came up and caused a small skirmish. The husbands tried to defend the fact that they have trouble finding the right presents and the wives want to know why husbands buy all their own stuff, leaving us with nothing to give them!
I remember reading Erma Bombeck’s article where her husband gave her a gift certificate for a flu shot and things haven’t changed much since then…some husbands can still be clueless about gifts for their wives. Even though I have no qualifications as a counselor, I am a wife and therefore feel compelled to add my two cents in. (Also, I am part Irish and part Italian which guarantees that I must stick my nose in here as well as my big mouth)
Let me start by telling you some of the worst gift ideas I have seen given…
A new mother received breast pads, a nursing bra, 2 measuring cups and an iron skillet one Christmas. Only hubby was surprised when the skillet hit him upside the head.
A new bride opened boxes filled with blenders, spice racks, silverware and food processors, turned to the new hubby and said, “Its nice of you to buy the kitchen presents, but where is my Christmas gift?”
One exhausted mother received lacy underwear disguised as a rose in a size she hasn’t seen in ten years, a bottle of perfume that will give her hives and guarantee her a space on the bus, which is what she took to visit her mother after she strangled her hubby with the cheap lingerie.

Really, guys?  Unless your wife specifically requests it, do not buy her an appliance, a chainsaw, personal hygiene products or edible underwear.

We do NOT want cute animal figurines to dust, matching shower clock and radios are interesting but not really wanted.  Please look beyond the frazzled, frugal mother, see past the cooperate wife that color codes her belongings.  Remember the person you fell in love with in the first place.  Maybe she no longer dances all night, perhaps she  doesn’t have the time for long walks on the beach and what was once a carefree attitude is now practical.  Nights after the kids are in bed are spent watching television and some times the once passionate kiss is now a distracted peck on the cheek.

Yet men, WE ARE STILL IN THERE.  We still sing loudly to our music, pretending its us hitting that stage. Watch the longing in her face when she looks at that really nice jacket, then sighs and buys boots for the little ones.  Hear the excitement in your lady’s voice when she mentions that concert or show coming  to town, then she shrugs and says, “but we are too busy of course”

Also, I shall go out on a limb here, many guys think they would like to make a nice romantic night, but half the time your partner is too tired, too annoyed or too busy.  Well, here is a tiny secret.  You want to get her attention?  Want her to go wild with ya?  Okay, do not show up naked with a bow around your favorite part.  Do not come up behind your wife while she has her head in the oven checking on dinner and well, you KNOW what you do.

Here is not only a great way to get sex but a wonderful present as well:

If you have kids, offer to take them out so mom can take a nap, read a book or maybe for the first time in days, brush her hair.

Mop the floors, do the dishes and fold laundry.  There is no sight more sexy on earth than a man sweeping the floor.  Want to get your bones jumped?  Scrub the toilet and wash the tub.

I hope this helps some of you and have a great holiday!

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