Now Presenting: A Spring Night At Clan Casey
7 p.m. Fill bathtub with water, set up towels, soap and shampoo. Put dishes in sink, toys away, take ferret out of bathtub, put random child in.
7:15 p.m. Make sure child has been rinsed. Ride the waves to the bathtub and pull child out of tub. Swath child in at least three towels and set loose to run. Drain tub.
7:30 p.m. Refill bathtub while chasing wet child down with pajamas. Dry child and dress. Take ferret out of bathtub, put next child in.
7:45 p.m. Send Dad to swim to the tub and get next child out. Set out medication, snacks and last drink for each child.
8 p.m. Get the absolute last snack and drink for kids. Throw blanket over each child on each couch. Shut down lights. Last television show for kids.
8:30 p.m. Go get one last, no more, this is it snack and drink for kids. Readjust blankets, put on one last darn show for rotten kids. Rub feet and backs.
9 p.m. Take ferret out of Melissa’s bed. Put Melissa in, tuck blankets, kiss goodnight.
9:01 p.m. Wrestle Mark for remote control and win at all costs. Chris plays on computer, Mark decides what is more exciting, what I am watching or what Chris is playing.
9:30 p.m. Take ferret out of Mark’s bed. Put Mark in, tuck blankets, kiss goodnight.
9:05 p.m. Play on the floor with ferret for half an hour, till it wanders off.
10:00 p.m. Get cup of tea, sometimes a snack and surf television, while laying on couch.
11:00 p.m. Watch Daily Show with Chris
11:30 p.m. Watch Colbert with Chris
12 a.m. Chris removes ferret from bathtub and takes shower.
12:15 a.m. Play with ferret until tired.
1 a.m. Remove ferret from bed. Put ourselves to bed.
1:30 a.m. Melissa asks for water. Bring water, remove ferret from Melissa’s bed, put Melissa back in bed.
2 a.m. Melissa gets up because ferret spilled the water. Dry off bed, child and ferret. Take ferret into living room, put Melissa back to bed with water bottle.
2:15 a.m. Go to bathroom. Discover Mark in the living room on the computer playing a game and having a snack. Listen to explanation on how he was just checking on things since everyone seemed to be up anyway.
2:25 a.m. Put still talking Mark on the couch, tuck in with blankets, lay on opposite couch, listening numbly to him discuss black hole theory while surfing late night shows.
2:40 a.m. Melissa comes back out of bedroom, carrying the ferret, dumps onto him onto my lap, asking if “this belongs to me?” Tuck Melissa in beside me on couch. Fall asleep to Phineas and Ferb.
3 a.m. Mark gets up with brilliant idea on a barricade to create in hallway to keep ferret out of all bedrooms. Starts construction. With ferret for help.
3:15 a.m. Awakened by banging and thudding, Chris staggers from bedroom with blood in his eye, towers over Mark and croaks out, “What the hell are you all doing out here?”
3:16 a.m. Glaring with rolling eyes at window screen, luggage and cardboard bricks barricading (sort of) the hallway, listening to Mark stammer out his reasoning…Chris sees that I am asleep on the couch, Melissa is sitting in a chair channel surfing.
3:20 a.m. Using many, many grumbling swear words Chris explains to Mark that the only one who is on the bedroom side of the hallway…is Chris. He points out that the ferret is in fact right next to Mark, playing in the luggage. Chris removes barricade.
3:30 a.m. Chris put ferret in cage, tucks Melissa and Mark back into their beds. Attempts to move me from couch and in my stupor, I bite. Chris throws blanket over me and goes back to bed.
3:45 a.m. I wake up to crashing of ferret protesting the cage by tossing toys into bars. Wanting peace at any cost, I release ferret from cage, stagger to bathroom.
4 a.m. Make cup of tea, note that everyone including the ferret is now asleep, except me and I sit at the computer to type this post, hoping for sleep before the alarm goes off at six.