Slacker Mom Makes Resolutions.

I have decided to make some resolutions for 2013.

My first and most important resolution is to do something just for me.  I will ignore any guilt I may feel for this because it has become a necessity now.  I am determined to get to the Lady Grace store, get properly sized for a bra and purchase the right one regardless of cost.  No longer will I wear my mother’s old sports bra that has turned gray through years of washing.  No longer will I wear this bra that only holds my breasts a half-inch above my navel!!!

Next resolution is to force my children to learn some responsibility.  I will no longer be the only one who knows where the toilet paper lives!  My children will learn the secrets of how the drinks get into the cups, how snacks land in bowls and the dark forces that magically cleans the clothing.  They will discover the place where I keep the broom and mop.  The wonders of how sheets get on beds, and the horrors of how ferret poop goes “away”.

The next resolution is I plan to drag my thirteen year old son kicking and screaming into a social life.  I will be an evil mother by making him go to the movies with his friends.  Imagine the cruel ways I will get him to the arcade with other boys he chats with at school and online!!

Another resolution has to do with my ten-year old daughter.  Aspergers and learning disability be damned!  Somehow I will help Melissa to tell her teachers how she feels, help her reach into herself and find the self-esteem and strength she so desperately needs right now.  It breaks my heart to watch her struggle.  She says to me, “I was playing with my friend, but I don’t understand why he is mad at me now?”  She will say, “girls in my class are nothing like me, they whisper and I wonder if they are talking about how different I am?”  I will research more, will find that pathway into her, discover the right words to say that will help her.

Last resolution is the hardest.  I will stop feeling guilty and apologize for who I am.  Yes, I know I am a bit overweight.  Oh well.  I wasn’t planning on modeling anyway.  Yeah, I cut my hair real short and dyed it purple.  Not an appropriate look for a forty-year old stay at home mom….well, then close your eyes when you pass by.  As for the stay at home mom bit…doesn’t make me a loser, lazy or an underachiever.  I chose to be with my special needs children because I felt it was best for them.  When I do work out of the home I am a professional monster.  Again probably wrong for a stay at home, forty-year old wife and mom.  Well, everyone has a hobby, mine happens to be causing fear…if you don’t approve this is not my problem.

My other profession/hobby is writing.  I mainly write humor, it is dark humor, it usually involves my family life.  If it sounds distasteful, or you feel that its wrong that we live the way we do, if you feel I should not put such things in print, then don’t read it.  If you feel writing lice articles for Parent magazines doesn’t count as professional work or a real achievement, well its mine.  I do feel its an achievement.   Try writing while two children are trying to get your attention, a ferret is biting your leg and you feel the pressure of household chores that need to be done and there are only minutes left before dinner has to be started!

My house gets really cluttered.  Its dusty in many places.  Sometimes I cannot find my table or my sink.  On occasion my laundry overtakes the kitchen.  I swear.  A lot.  My husband has installed a swear jar and now he is rich and I am so poor that I have to stuff IOU’s into the stupid jar!  There are days when I never make it to the shower or get anything on my chore list done!  These are the times when my children or husband need me most.  Which is more important?  That the house is neat and organized.  Or that I managed to keep my son out of the Hunt psychiatric ward?  That I held my daughter while she threw up for hours on end?  Made sure that my husband got to the Emergency room and held his hand when a surgeon talks to him about possibly losing a piece of his intestine?

I let my ten-year old daughter dye her hair pink and blonde.  She is allowed to dress in Gothic, glittery clothing.  She went to see Resident Evil with her Dad.  Horror movies are a part of life for all here.  My son has long blonde hair that goes halfway down his back and all the way down his face.  He watches American Dad and Family Guy.  Loves the Walking Dead and Friday the 13th.  His diet consists of chicken tenders, french fires, potato wedges, carrot muffins, yogurt drinks, juices, apples and the occasional shredded cheese in a hard corn taco shell.

In spite of this, both kids are healthy and happy.  Mark’s report card has mostly B pluses and some A’s.  He has every intention of going to college.    Melissa has made it to the regular class curriculum and has joined chorus.  She loves to make cartoons and is immersing herself in art.  Her new interest is learning how to make videos and movies, using everything from dolls to humans to ferrets.  Both kids love their parents and know how much they are loved back.  They have been told that we were blessed by them.  That our lives would be empty without them.  I am a slacker mom, but for that….I am a good one.  I will give no apology for the way we live or for who we are.  I am proud of my husband and children.  They have struggled and gone through some terrible things, yet here they are, climbing upwards and I will continue to hold them up from underneath.

Have a Happy New Year!

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